Thursday, February 28, 2008
criticism
CRITICISM -Sometimes in LIFE we find ourselves manifesting certain attitudes that will separate us from our others. We are told in the Bible to, "love one another", but of course this is not easy. Before we can have good Christian relationships we need to recognize those things that build walls between us. I want to notice only two but I'm sure these stand out foremost in everyone's mind. I have been told there are two kinds of criticism; constructive and destructive criticism. This type of critique is for the purpose of benefiting the one being criticized. I think there is one important thing that will determine how the criticism is taken. When a person is criticized they must determine if the person doing the criticizing wants to help or hurt. It is easy to criticize someone you don't like much and not be concerned about the outcome. I believe I have been criticized both ways, offended by some, helped by others.
What is that key ingredient that makes criticism work to the benefiting of the one being criticized? I will give you a personal experience. When I first started thinking I guess I was like many young adults, zealous, ambitious, wanting myself to be perfect, and doing what I thought was right. My heart was then and is now in that which is best for me and my family, but these traits of mine were misread by some. An old friend got a hold of me and said, "Jeff, you come over to people as being headstrong, laidback and belligerent". If someone said that to you how would you take it? I told the old friend, "I don't want to be that way and I didn't realize I was leaving that impression". What my old friend said has done me a world of good. The criticism was constructive because I knew my old friend loved me as a person for who i am and wanted to help me, not hurt or get even with me. If I would have felt he was just trying to hurt me it would have certainly done damage to our relationship. Love was that key ingredient.
There are other reasons why people criticize one another so I want to notice some of them. A faultfinder criticizes because they have a poor self image. Such a person feels that by making others look bad they themselves look better. Running others down makes them feel important. This of course is a bad case of self deception. Others may criticize because they are self righteous. Another reason people criticize is because they are jealous or just holding a grudge. This is their way of getting even and satisfying their resentment and jealousy. Another class of people who criticize are those who do it by habit. They have complained and griped for so long it becomes a habit. We need to remember that criticism is a two way street.
Remember the next time you want to criticize someone, your friends may determine that you have an inferiority complex, or may be suffering from a lack of self esteem, or that you are self righteous, or you are jealous of the person you are criticizing or feeding a grudge or possibly just a fault finder. When we criticize others behind their backs we may be telling others a little bit about ourselves and our personalities.
Regularly being criticised can eat away at a person until they really believe the messages they are being told. Criticism is OK if it comes with good reasoning and explanation. So, the boss may say,'This is where you are going wrong, this is why you are going wrong and here's how to improve'.
However people often forget the second and third parts. So much of what I do is spent reconnecting a person to their natural strengths and qualities and helping them build an immunity from withering criticism.
Criticism destroys confidence. When you are constantly criticised you:
Think that everything which goes wrong is your fault
Become highly sensitive to criticism
Expect to be told off, whatever you do
Blame yourself when things don't work out
Daren't take risks in case you fail
by jefferson at 6:21:00 PM |
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