Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Mars and Venus
How We Stop Loving -when we feel blame toward our partner, it is difficult to accept, understand, and forgive their limitations and imperfections. Only through learning to love them in stormy times can we grow together.
Test of love is caring for a person even though we know them to be less than perfect and have
experienced their daily limitations. We claim that we want to be loved for who we are.
But can we really love our partners for who they are?
When our hearts are open, love is automatic. But when our hearts are closed, we are responsible for opening up and must shoulder responsibility.
Man & Woman works differently -
When a man does things without a woman having to ask, she feels deeply loved. If he forgets to do them, though, a wise woman graciously persists in reminding him by asking in a nondemanding manner.
A man, however, receives love differently from a woman. He chiefly feels loved when she lets him know again and again that he is doing a good job of fulfilling her. Her good mood makes him feel loved.
A man is happiest when a woman is fulfilled. Women generally do not realize that the kind of love a man needs most is her loving message that he has fulfilled her.
* The basis of almost all romantic rituals is a male giving and a female receiving. *
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS -
to fully open our hearts to each other and enjoy a lifetime of love, the most important skill of all is forgiveness. Forgiving your partner for their mistakes not only frees you to love again but allows you to forgive yourself for not being perfect.
When we dont forgive in one r/s, our love is, to various degrees, restricted in all our life r/s. We can still love others but not as much. When a heart is blocked in one r/s, it beats more weakly in them all. Forgiving means letting go of hurt.
Forgiveness allows us to give our love again and helps us to open up both to give and also to receive love. When we are closed, we lose on two counts.
The more you love someone, the more you suffer when you dont forgive them. Many people are driven to suicide by the agonizing pain of not forgiving a loved one. The greatest pain we can ever feel is the pain of not loving someone we love.
This agony drives people mad and is responsible for all the violence and craziness in our world and in our relationships. It is this pain of holding back our love that moves many people to addictive behaviors, substance abuse, and random violence.
We stubbornly hold on to bitterness and resentment not because we are not loving, but because we do not know how to forgive. If we were not loving, then ceasing to love someone would not be painful at all. The more loving we are, the more painful it is to not forgive.
How We Learn To Forgive -
Real forgiveness acknowledges that a ream mistake has been made and then affirms that the person who made it still deserves to be loved and respected. It does not mean that their behavior was condoned or agreed with in any way.
If forgiveness is required, the implication is that you are acknowledging that a mistake was made that you want corrected or at least not repeated.
The difference in forgiving -
1)what you did was all our fault and not mine.
2)I am not responsible for what you did.
3)It was very painful.
4)It is not OK with me.
5)There is no good reason for what you did.
AND
1)I am willing to find the innocent part of you that is doing your best. No one is perfect.
2)I will not withhold my love from you.
3)It will take time to rebuild trust, but i am willing to give you another chance.
4) I do not wan to spend my rest of my life punishing you for this.
When forgiveness is learned and expressed, a huge weight is lifted. Through saying those three simple words, " i forgive you, " lives and relationships have been dramatically saved.
The powe to forgive is within us all, but like any other skill we must practice it. In the beginning, it takes time. We work at forgiving and den suddenly the next day we are blaming them. Mastering the new r/s skill of forgiveness takes time but with time and practice, it becomes a natural response..
In the beginning, a helpful phrase you can write out or think is :
" nobody's perfect, I forgive you for being imperfect. what you did was wrong. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you treated me. What you did was wrong and i forgive you. "
Christ's message to humanity from the cross was one of forgiveness. To rise above death, beyond pain, one has to forgive. His words were: " Father, forgive them; for the know not what they do." In this simple phrase is contained the secret of how to forgive.
Special thanks to my baby who makes everything in my life possible.
by jefferson at 10:03:00 AM |
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