Sunday, July 01, 2007
my saddest moment.
1st of july. Gst increased. End of GSS. trouble water arises and tears thicken.A day where i suddenly feel so hard to cope without the life of another.
When was the last time you felt that the world is not spinning right for you?
When was the last time you smile truthfully without having to lie about it?
When was the last time you regret not doing something?
When was the last time you ever felt so alone?
When was the last time you feel so helpless about not able to do anything?
When was the last time you felt like crying out but you couldnt?
When was the last time?
When was the last time for everything?
Pain filling my all,
consuming my soul
Tears burning my eyes and staining my cheeks
Love slipping away and I watch it go
Engulfed by despair, my heart aching
Life changing, spinning out of control
Lost and alone, lonely and hurting
Not knowing not trusting, feeling too much
Weak and exhausted, what do I do?
There was a time when i listened and wait to the only tune i knew best, the sound which i always eagerly anticipated seems to leave me this few days. As i sat there pondering, my heart aches as the day passes by, why hadnt it ring? what happen to 'A'? why didnt 'A' called?, the feeling of anxiety is not something nice to think about.
My heart starts to clot like a wound never able to heal, slowly dripping slowly dying, how i yearn to hear the familar sound of the tune but i know it will never happen for you see, it has became a complicated matter where only the person must truly understand his/her path before deciding.
Life passed by so fast and suddenly i feel lost and confused, what do i do? i asked myself. As my heavy heart surge for an answer, i have only but 1. I dunno.
Recently, I argued with someone over the importance of education. Yes, I dont deny the fact that education lies and plays a big part in today's society. No lies abt that. But the question i want to lay out is, does it mean that people without the highest qualification are not able to make it in life? People say, yes, that was in the past. Now, it's reality. It's the real world. I know it's true, but how true is that? Maybe it's a person upbringing that brings abt the way he/she thought of life. As for me, i believe education is important but is age important?
I list an example :
A person who earns 12k a month and has a degree and is only 21.
A person who earns 12k a month has a degree and is 30.
Usually between this 2 comparision, many would go for the person who is 21. It's superficial. It's the reality now. People look at it this way. However, my question is " does age really makes a big difference? "
Some might earn an annual income of 100 000 or more now, but does it mean that other people cant do it later?
I believe in hardwork and effort, but some people say, why? you wan to work hard all your life?
for the person you really care about, for the person u love, for the family who loves you. why not? To suffer abit, but to see the smiles of the people closest to you is definately worth the trouble.
I must say that i got really heart-triggered when i was compared with someone of that calibre, he made it now, good for him. I will make it later. Sometimes, the only problem we face is time. Time is our saviour if we put it to our advantage, but our downfall if we waste it. Honestly, I wasted alot of my time but hahaa even though i did, i realised i learn so much more along the way. Right now, all i need is time. I cant do anything especially when im still schooling, and trying to save is already a problem.
If only i can get the understanding and support, i can do it. With a little touch of patience.. saying has always been easy, but did the one who gave me that idea actually try to help me in doing it? or did that person just say it for the sake of saying it?
So busy with work and stress lately as well, another problem im facing now is my dad, my heart hurts so much everytime i look at his eye, looking at him, im starting to feel guilty that i never had enough time for him. You see, my dad, i suspected he have a cataract problem, his eyes are white at the centre.
A cataract is a painless, cloudy area in the lens of the eye that blocks the passage of light to the retina. The retina is the nerve layer at the back of the eye. Cataracts usually cause vision problems. A cataract occurs when the lens of the eye becomes cloudy. Aging and exposure to ultraviolet radiation can cause cataracts. Changes in the lens of the eye are often a normal part of the aging process and are common in older people, but they do not necessarily lead to cataracts. Surgery is the only effective means of treating vision loss caused by cataracts
It seems harmlesss but im sure to every sons and daughters you wouldnt want to take that chance, would you?
It's been a long while since i wrote a lenghty entry, but i know it will prove me useful some day as i grow older. The words, the mind, the heart that is said, will stay as a memory, and be a great motivator for me and who knows, the next time i read it, i probably be the guy in 30 earning 12k a month.
Life is such, you will never know, would you?
by jefferson at 10:10:00 AM |
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